Look Inside

 

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung

 Remembering some of those dreams from the past and wondering where life is bringing me in the future.

i've meant to be here...

I've meant to be here blogging away. But (just as I'd imagined) I got lost in the great expanse of the internet. Worried that my words weren't important or that I'd blog about something embarrassing I kept quiet and have been avoiding be good - or at least be good at it entirely.

This past weekend we were invited to a birthday party for my brother-in-law. It was a casual gathering of friends (90% of whom we did not know) and was one of the most memorable Saturday nights we've had in a while. I even had a chance to make something scrumptious to bring along - Nutella Frosted Cupcakes!

Inspiration: See those little candies atop the cupcakes? Those were hazelnut filled eggs from a pre-Easter trip to Aldi's. On their own they weren't spectacular - but looking at them on the kitchen table one night I realized they were meant to become part of something larger...

Research: A quick perusal through the cabinets proved that I had a (gasp) box of Devil's Food Cake Mix that was aching to leave my house. I couldn't ethically bring a boxed cake to a party - so I spent some time on Chowhound finding the perfect additions for pure chocolate bliss. I wound up with an adaptation of the Cake Mix Doctor's Darned Good Chocolate Cake.

1 box Devil's Food cake mix
1 small box vanilla instant pudding
2 tablespoons Dutch process cocoa
1 cup fat free sour cream
1/2 cup oil
1/2 cup warm water
4 eggs
2 handfuls of semi-sweet mini chips

Bliss: Nutella Frosting. Pure heaven in your mouth. The Delicious Cook hooked me up with quite possibly the best frosting recipe EVER. Butter, Nutella and powdered sugar come together with a few drops of milk to create heaven in your mouth. Seriously.

These cupcakes flew off the platter and into the mouths of party guests before the appetizers were finished. Thankfully we had stashed a few licks of the frosting in the 'fridge for later!

Some things that I like - Number One

Earlier tonight I was catching up on some reading and came across a friend's Things That I Like List. I quickly realized that it could be just the inspiration that I needed to start writing here on my blog. So bear with me over the next few days as I highlight Ten of My Favorite Things.

1. The Corner Piece
Growing up making brownies was one of the most wonderful things in the universe. That red box of Duncan Hines Brownie Mix was always in the pantry - just waiting for an afternoon with me and my Mom. It was pretty simple - I'd help mix the batter,  Mom would pour it into the pan - and she'd sprinkle walnuts on one side for the grown ups that liked nuts in their brownies. 

The loving preparation would quickly require cleanup - at which point I would run off to play with my Barbie's with my face smeared in chocolate.  The phone would ring, life went on, and hopefully we would hear a timer go off. The brownies came out of the oven - and more often than not they would be - in my Mother's words -  well done. This necessitated that I devise elaborate methods to obtain the brownies from the middle of the pan (without the telltale crispy burnt edges) 

These elaborate brownie surgeries led me to believe that the only good brownies were from the middle of the pan. I spent a great deal of time trimming the corner pieces and enjoying the center of the brownies through the years. 

However, I've come to realize that those corner brownies are some of my most favorite in the pan. Somehow the combination of modern kitchenry (new brownie pans) a louder kitchen timer and more sophisticated tastebuds has evolved into this textural experience. 

The good news for me? John prefers the middle ones!

  
  

Sometimes it's all in the cookie cutter...

 

The week between Christmas and New Years is always full of pleasant surprises at the mall. This year when John and I went for our annual stroll I found a set of mini cookie cutters at Williams Sonoma that perch on your cup - perfect for cocoa (or tea, or coffee...) 

I've been busy this week creating chocolate goodness for an event I'm hosting at work. Stay tuned for photos, recipes, and details.

Pink Rollercoasters

Some of you might wonder why I've been so quiet lately. Others are well versed in the past few months of my life...

The long and the short? I've been riding a giant pink rollercoaster.

Most of you know that I lost my Mom to breast cancer when I was 10. She was diagnosed at the age of 41, and fought cancer like a warrior for 8 years.


So, when I turned 31 in 2009 I decided that it was time to begin the journey of breast health and mammography. I thought that I would be a responsible adult.  I scheduled my first (baseline) mammogram innocently for the day before Thanksgiving and thought nothing of it.


You see where this story is going...


There was something on the scans that required I come back to the hospital for more images. I dutifully scheduled a followup appointment - thinking that it would be a good idea to get as many baseline images as possible. Hah!


After a few more hours of imaging I wound up having a core needle biopsy the first week of December. I studied up on the internet to remind myself of the difference between benign and malignant. I read everything I could get my hands on that discussed young women diagnosed with breast cancer. I was amazed how long it can take to get results, how the world stands still and rushes all at the same time. I was frustrated. I was consumed.


The core needle biopsy showed atypical cells. (Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia for those of you who want to know more) This was great news. However, the pathologist wanted a second opinion. So for the next few weeks as the holidays approached I tried my very hardest to pretend everything was OK as I began to wonder if I might have some sort of cancer, pre-cancer, or pre-pre-cancer. I dreaded the idea of being the bearer of bad news for the holidays.


After stalking my surgeon's office, meeting with some of the top MDs in Connecticut that work with young women, and waiting impatiently for my pathology to come back from some far off laboratory I started to really freak out. Poor John was stuck listening to my rants - my fears - my ideas - my childhood stories - and everything in between. Yep, he was stuck with it all. I was a mess.


The team of doctors I had amassed determined that it would be in my best interest to have a lumpectomy. This way they could remove the lesion and get a better idea of what was going on. So as we ushered in 2010 I scheduled my surgery.


Towards the end of January my little lump was removed and the slides showed pretty much the same information as my core needle biopsy. Atypical cells, no cancer. We did a little happy dance.


And now I'm working with my gaggle of Docs to keep the cancer out of my life. There are lots of recommendations, tests, and studies to look at. I'm still scared. But in the meantime, I'm taking time to realize how fortunate I am to be healthy and have fantastic friends and family in my life.

We've been quiet

Every year I think:

I should start a blog. It would be so much fun to have a blog.


Then I rethink:
Who would read a blog. A blog would be an awful lot of work.


And then I file that "idea" in the back of my mind for another day.


Well, it appears that 2010 is the year of the blog for me. And I'm jumping into this to let you know what's been going on sleepy little Connecticut.